A Little Bit Wild Page 23
He was her friend and her lover, and he'd be her husband as well.
"I love you," she whispered into the wild mess of his hair.
When he sighed, the weight of his body settled more fully onto her, but it was a happy weight, not one she wanted to squirm away from. He set his forehead to the pillow and shook his head. "I couldn't resist, and now you will regret this."
"I could never regret this. Never."
He pushed up a little, raising his head to look into her eyes. After a moment, weariness settled into his features. "It's too late regardless. I'm yours now."
I'm yours. The beautiful opposite of what Peter White had said to her. You're mine now, he'd crowed, as if she were a purchased treat. The difference, it seemed, between a boy and a man. Just as Jude had promised.
But she could not like the sadness in his eyes. Her vision went blurry. She felt a tear slip free and slide down her temple.
"I should not have given in," Jude sighed.
Marissa hit his shoulder. Hard. She felt his whole body tense against her, and then he rolled free, making her gasp with the strange feeling of him withdrawing from her body.
"Whatever your regrets," he said softly. "We'll marry."
"Those are your regrets, not mine!" she shouted. "I regret nothing. I will wait for you to like me again. I will demand it, do you understand? You will love me someday, damn your stubborn hide."
Jude slowly rose up to his elbow to give him a better vantage point from which to glower down at her.
"Oh, don't look so dark. You're stuck with me now. I will use you until you surrender. You'd do well to make the best of it."
She was about to sit up and reach for the covers, but he stopped her with the gentle brush of his thumb over her cheek. "You're trying to turn my own pleasure against me? Trick me into loving you?"
"You can hardly judge me for the very thing you meant to do. Only you are the fickle one it seems. So easily turned away from your affection." Her breath skipped and jumped in her throat as she tried to h-old back more tears. "Don't. . . please don't tell me I'm too late, Jude. I only just realized how much I love you. It isn't fair."
His hand cupped her chin as pain twisted his mouth into a brief scowl. "How can you be sure?"
She blinked away more tears, angry when they escaped and let Jude see how much she hurt. "All I know is that I have no idea what you're thinking, but I'm willing to tell you what I feel. I love you, and you may not like me at all."
"Ah, God, Marissa." His thumb traced shivers over her bottom lip. "Don't be a fool. I love you."
She swallowed hard, but a small sob of relief still escaped. "You do?"
"Of course I do. I love you. And that's why I can't stand the thought of having less than everything."
Marissa felt more tears fall, and she ignored them, even when Jude kissed them away. "And your regrets?"
"I regret nothing." He slid over her again, kissing her, and she was just wondering if she might dare spending the whole night in Jude's room when the hard crack of knuckles on the door invaded the quiet.
Jude was reaching desperately for the bedcovers when the door opened with tragic speed.
"Sorry to disturb you," Harry said, his voice still coming from the hall, thank God. "But Marissa has gone missing and—"
She met Harry's eyes at the exact moment his voice died an ugly death in his throat. Jude had half succeeded with the covers at least, though she suspected Harry had seen far more of Jude than he'd ever expected to.
"Harry," Jude started, but Harry just shook his head and backed out.
"Oh, never mind. So sorry. I'll just..."
"God damn it," Jude barked as the door closed with a crack that sounded eerily like impending doom.
"Good thing you didn't regret it," Marissa muttered.
"Jesus, woman, you are a magnet for scandal."
"I know. Who will ever marry me now?"
Finally, the fierceness left his face, and Jude smiled, then laughed. "You may break my heart and ruin my reputation, but I already know it will he well worth it." He offered a kiss that left Marissa sighing with satisfaction.
"How long do you think we can stay here?"
Jude shook his head. "You're too wicked for your own good. It's time to pay the piper. Again."
"Again. This is getting tiresome. At least when we're married, I won't have to face the prospect of being called to your study."
"I'm not so sure about that."
Amazingly, despite the drama awaiting her below-stairs, Marissa laughed and teased as she dressed. Jude kissed her and promised to meet her at her room so that she needn't enter Edward's study alone. Fifteen minutes later, Marissa was presented before the exhausted eyes of her family. She only just managed to look somber in the face of their shock.
Chapter 24
Caught in the snare of the silent room, Jude realized that from the start, this had been the inevitable outcome: Marissa perched on a chair before her brother's desk; Jude standing behind her, struggling to look regretful; both of them still weak with the intensity of their lovemaking.
Her maid had put some effort into making her presentable, but Marissa's mouth was swollen and pink, and there were at least two distinctively reddened patches on her that weren't quite covered by the high collar of her gown.
Jude hoped he looked almost normal. He'd combed his hair, but it was still wet from the grooming, and there'd been nothing to do for the stubble on his jaw that made him look a rakish debaucher.
Marissa cleared her throat. "So ..."
"I take full responsibility for everything that happened," Jude interrupted.
Marissa looked over her shoulder and raised an eyebrow. "Oh, do you? Funny, if it had been up to you, you'd be halfway to Italy by now. Alone."
Jude aimed a quelling look at her, but she'd already turned around, so it did no good. "I'm a guest in this house," Jude continued. "And I apologize for abusing your hospitality so ..."
"Strenuously?" Marissa ventured. "Oh, for god's sake!" Edward shouted, banging the flat of his hand against the desk. "Marissa Anne York, you are behaving outrageously!"
She shrugged. "I suppose. But we are engaged, so I'm not sure what all the fuss is—"
"The fuss," Edward ground out, "Is that this gentleman—"
The word carried enough scorn that Jude felt his shoulders tense in defense.
"—promised not to dishonor you further, regardless of the status of your betrothal. Which, by the way, I understood that neither of you intended to carry through."
Jude swallowed his anger and bowed his head in acknowledgement. "I can't deny that I broke my word."
"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, considering," Edward growled.
Clenching his jaw, Jude shot a look toward Aidan, but his friend watched him with a steely eye and offered no sign of sympathy. "I assume you refer to the details of my birth?"
"You made a promise," Aidan snapped Jude squeezed the back of the chair until his hand went numb. This was what he'd always known and never admitted. That one misstep would see respectable friends turn against him. "And what has that to do with my circumstances? A well-born man has never been a fool for the sake of love? Neither of you has ever broken a promise over a woman?"
Oh, Aidan lost his steely-eyed look then. Sharp, jagged fury transformed his face into an animal's.
Jude faced him and stood his ground. "Do not throw my birth at me, then pretend outrage in the face of the truth. You are no better than I, damn it. Not at all."
A moment hung between them, a moment where Aidan might say something unforgivable. At the very least, Jude expected they would conic to blows. But in the end, Marissa stood and rounded her chair to stand next to Jude. She put her arm through this.
"You two men were forgiving enough of my dishonor, and I daresay I have an impeccable bloodline. And my fall was seen to by a gentleman of the ton, I might add." She cocked her head. "Actually, all of the men in my past have been pureblooded gentlemen, ha
ve they not? So Jude is absolutely right. This has nothing to do with his birth, and it dishonors you both to bring it up."
Aidan's face did not relax. His fists remained clenched. Marissa didn't seem intimidated. "Jude was gentleman enough to take your sister off your hands when it was convenient," she said. "Your hypocrisy boggles the mind."
The scene hadn't changed. Jude still stood before two rightfully enraged brothers, but the tension cased from his chest, replaced by a suspiciously maudlin warmth. Her words sounded sincere. She didn't regret loving him. She didn't regret his birth.
Jude tried very hard to maintain a serious expression. "Marissa has agreed to marry me in truth."
"Oh, my word, no!" her mother shouted.
"Mother," Marissa gasped, but Jude could see that the baroness was not the problem.
Edward was the man of the house, and he looked only marginally less furious than he had moments before. "I don't understand, Marissa. You've made your feelings clear from the start. You cared nothing for him."
"I was a fool. Such a fool that even Jude did not believe me. However, I did my best to convince him, and eventually he ... succumbed."
"I see." Edward offered Jude a dark look.
"Oh, don't look at him that way. What was he to do? Push me out into the corridor naked?"
Jude put a hand over hers. "Marissa."
"Oh, I am done with all this. I am no better than I should be, and Jude does not mind that at all, and I love him."
"But no!" the dowager baroness squealed. "My darling girl ... it was lovely of Mr. Bertrand to offer to help, but to marry him for love... I cannot imagine."
Marissa shot her mother an impatient look. "You'll get used to it, Mother."
"Well... this is all very strange!"
"It is, " Jude agreed, and the baroness's feathers unruffled a bit.
She looked back and forth between the two of them. "I suppose we must make the most of it, as circumstances have already... progressed."
Aidan cursed again while Edward shook his head in disgust.
Her mother clapped her hands together with a sound like a shot. "We shall plan a spectacular wedding for just before Easter! Do you think your father might attend, Mr. Bertrand? What a coup that would be! I daresay—"
"I'm sorry, Mother," Marissa said. "But the wedding cannot wait until spring for obvious reasons. It might be more of a spectacle than even you would care to present."
Her mother's eyes dipped to Marissa's belly, and she actually took a moment to think it over. "Oh, I suppose you are right."
"Wait a moment!" Edward shouted. "I have not agreed to any of this."
"Oh, stop it, brother," Marissa scolded. "In a month's time, I will no longer be your problem."
"A month, you say?" His face lost some of its tension.
"Perhaps even less."
Her mother fluttered about, trying to convince them all that she could not possibly plan a wedding within a month's time. But when Jude assured her that his father would likely attend no matter the short notice, she settled into wedding plans with an enthusiasm that overtook the rest of the discussion.
"I'm due in Hull in a month," Aidan growled. "I've a new ship being outfitted."
Their mother quivered with outrage. "You will be at the wedding, Aidan York. She is your only sister, and she is blossoming into womanhood!"
The whole room went silent. Amazingly, no one laughed, though Marissa clearly came close.
Though Jude's mood had become impossibly light, he could see that neither York brother was at peace, so he offered a little bow to the room. "If
I could beg a moment of privacy with Edward and Aidan ..."
"Oh, of course!" the baroness chirped. "Marissa and Harry will come to the sewing room to look over the latest fashion plates that just arrived from London."
Harry had been sitting quietly in a corner, looking painfully embarrassed by the whole situation, but he brightened at the thought of escape. "Yes, of course! Anything I can do to help!"
"Mother," Marissa complained as she was ushered out, "there's no time for a grand wedding." Just before she was pushed out the door, she dug in her heels. "Wait!"
She rushed to Edward and gave him a tight hug.
"You're incorrigible," he growled, but when she smiled at him, his scowl twitched up for a split second.
"I'm happy," she whispered.
"You're sure?"
"Absolutely."
"Then I shan't lock you in your room until the wedding. If you promise to behave yourself."
"I'm sure I'll try the best I can."
Edward's face reddened again, but Marissa's smile widened. She stopped to kiss Jude's cheek before floating from the room, and on that note, he faced the York brothers with far more happiness than the situation called for.
"Well," Aidan said, "You got what you wanted."
"Your sister loves me." He said the words, and they felt real his lips. Jude found himself truly believing it for the first time. "You may find it as difficult to fathom as I do, but it's true."
Edward snorted. "And you think that will last?"
He gestured at Jude as if his very being made the words a joke.
"Don't underestimate her," Jude said. The words were quiet, but he saw the way they hit Edward. "I would not love her if she weren't strong and intelligent and capable of seeing me for who I am."
Edward ran a weary hand through his hair while Aidan escaped to the sideboard to pour himself a drink. After shooting a dark look at Jude, he poured two more drinks and offered one to each of the men.
Jude took his glass and slopped Aidan with a hand on his sleeve. "I apologize for speaking so callously. And .. ." He cleared his throat. "I apologize again to both of you for betraying my word. If it's unforgivable, I can accept that. But I'll marry your sister, regardless."
Edward looked up at the ceiling for a moment; then he shook his head and stood to offer his hand. "You did this family a priceless service. I can't resent that it might actually turn out for the best."
Jude shook his hand. "Thank you."
"Congratulations."
Aidan did not slap him on the back and claim that all was well. Instead he slumped into a chair and drained his whole glass in one swallow. "As you once made clear, the line marking decent and dishonorable is a shaky, twisting thing. You were right then, and you are right now. And who has honor ever served, anyway?"
"I'll treat her well," Jude said quietly.
"I can see that." Aidan waved a dismissive hand and pushed to his feet. "Well, welcome to the blasted family. You'll fit right in, clearly."
Both men seemed content to leave it at that.
Jude felt a small sense of relief. He'd stepped into this room knowing he would marry Marissa, regardless of their objections. Still, his heart pounded with satisfaction as he escaped to find his bride.
Marissa loved him, and she was bright and brave and, yes, a tiny bit shallow. And he loved her.
The rest of society could go to hell. What did it matter what the rest of England thought of him, if Marissa loved him for the man he was? He needed nothing more than her.
And soon enough, it would be official. The family had given their reluctant blessing. The danger of public scandal had finally passed, and now Jude was looking forward to a lifetime of private debauchery.
A month suddenly seemed a long time to wait.
Chapter 25
The ceremony was, by all accounts, lovely. Marissa could remember nothing of it but Jude's hands around hers, and his happy eyes and secret smile. And then he'd kissed her and they'd left the chapel in a shower of good wishes and flower petals. It was done.
Once again, the rush to the altar had proved unnecessary, but Marissa would not have put off this day for anything.
She glowed. She knew she did, and it was confirmed by the whispers around her as they entered the wedding ball and were presented as man and wife.
"The bride ..."
"So beautiful..."
Infuriating man. He'd finally started bolting his door against her. But she'd have him tonight, and the knowledge burned bright in his gaze each time their eyes met. She'd have him tonight and every night she wanted.
Suddenly, Marissa regretted that her mother had forgone the traditional wedding breakfast in order to host a ball. Marissa had been thrilled with the idea of dancing with Jude on their wedding night, but now she wanted nothing more than for the festivities to be over. But her mother would never forgive an escape before the dancing. What if there would be no grand toasts or romantic exhibitions of marital bliss? And what would be the point of the tiny children wandering through the crowd dressed as cherubs? They would float through the room with no couple to bless.
Marissa caught sight of a white feathered wing bobbing by, and she cringed. Both she and Edward had tried to dissuade their mother from the cherubs, but no mortal force could change her mind. And so here they were, in a play as great as one might see on stage. Peacocks called from the yard, and Marissa could only hope they didn't freeze to death in the cold night. They weren't visible in the dark, but it was the idea of the thing, or so she'd been informed.
Marissa leaned over to say hello to Aunt Ophelia, despite that the old woman appeared to be asleep.
"Eh?" her great aunt cawed as she popped upright in the chair.
"I asked how you liked the ceremony, Aunt Ophelia!"
The woman squinted up at Marissa. "Oh, I liked it very much."
"I'm glad."
The wrinkles in the old woman's face folded deeper when she smiled. She smiled so rarely that Marissa found herself laughing with delight. Perhaps Aunt Ophelia was sweeter than she seemed.
"Yes, I liked it very much," Aunt Ophelia repeated. "And a lucky thing to get you married off before you worked your way through next Season's crop of gentlemen."